First Times
by thebossyleaf
Summary: Clara moves to Leadworth a few months after her mum's death. She meets Amy Pond, the Scottish girl that still waits for her Raggedy Doctor to come back. Slowly, she learns there are some things worth risking your heart for.


A/N: Another tumblr request! This time, someone wanted a fic where Clara is bi and afraid to tell her best friend, Amy, about it. For the sake of this fic, Clara and Amy both are 17 when the story begins. I hope you like it and please tell me what you think in the reviews!

You can give me prompts for Clamy here: ididntwearmybowtie dot tumblr dot com /ask

* * *

I stare at the ceiling with wide eyes as the thought crosses my mind and realisation hits.

I'm in love with her.

It happened all so fast, after my mum's death and moving to Leadworth -where my granny lives-, I thought I would never have friends again. But there she was, on our first day of school, saying hi and making me feel like we had always been friends. She didn't treat me like the rest of our classmates, feeling sorry that my life had been turned upside down in such a short time, reminding me that I would never get back what I lost.

She was different, and I knew that first day that I was so lucky to be friends with Amelia Pond.

I have to admit I had my doubts at first -being approached by a stunning ginger on your first day in a new school isn't exactly normal-, but I soon realised that even though people liked her, there was something that they all knew but didn't talk about in front of her.

A few months later, she told me the story of the raggedy Doctor. At first I thought she was only telling me a tale from her childhood, but when she finished I noticed a twinkle in her eyes, something that told me that deep down she still believed her raggedy man was real, and that someday he would come back for her. It sounded crazy and wonderful, and I believed her; I wanted him to be real, I hoped he would keep his promise and come back, and I wished I could punch him for taking so long. I could see she didn't hide the story because people would think she lost it, she hid it because she was hurt. And it hurt me.

I am not sure why it took me so long to realise I am in love with her -it is pretty obvious when I think about it-, but I know why I realised it tonight.

It is my dad's fault, really. All because of that stupid woman who claims to be "a friend from work", but I know better. I have seen the way she looks at him, her intentions clear as day in her eyes, her voice and the way she treats me. I know she doesn't like me, but she takes a lot of trouble so he won't notice. She hates that I look exactly like my mum, and my dad says it all the time. I am a constant reminder of the woman he loved -_loves_-, and I hope she notices he won't ever love anyone as much as he loved her.

Tonight she came to our house for dinner, and my dad made me stay with them even though I wanted to have my dinner in my room (or simply away from her).

She asked if I had made friends at school, knowing all too well it has been hard for me to adjust to our new life here.

I answered I get along with pretty much everyone in my class, and I have my best mate. I smiled slightly at the thought of my favourite ginger.

She wanted me to elaborate. I suppose she wanted to show my dad that she cares about me, which she and I know it is a lie. I faked a smile and said Amy's name, earning a frown from her, but with satisfaction in her eyes.

"You shouldn't be very close to that girl. You're new here, but those who lived here long enough know a thing or two about her."

I wanted to hit her, the rage becoming too much too keep it in me. I looked at my dad, silently begging him to say something to her. He met Amy, he knows she is a great girl and how special she is to me. But he chose to ignore me and ask her to tell more about it.

"Well, everyone knows she had an imaginary friend when she was a little girl. She always believed he was real, and kept saying he was an alien that would take her in his spaceship to see the stars. None of the doctors that treated her could convince her that he wasn't real."

I couldn't stay in my seat while she kept saying those things without knowing anything, so I stood up and shouted at her.

"Shut up! You don't know anything about her! Who do you think you are to judge her?"

My dad looked at me like he didn't know who or what had taken the place of his little girl that just about a year ago was crying over her mum's grave. The woman spoke in a very soft voice, playing innocent.

"I'm truly sorry, darling, but I think your dad deserves to know what kind of people are your friends."

That was it; I was done with her act and everything about her.

"Don't you dare call me darling. You're no one. You just want to get my dad by pretending you care. Well, newsflash for you: you are not and won't ever be my mum."

I ran to my room, forcing the tears to stay at my eyes. I grabbed my backpack and went to the door downstairs. My dad tried to stop me but I just said goodbye and smashed the door. I wanted to cry and run, I wanted my mum; but only one person could help me: Amy.

I all but ran to her house and knocked on the door, wishing her aunt wasn't home. Unfortunately, she was the one who opened it.

"Clara, love, what are you doing here so late?"

I didn't even bother with explanations and simply asked to see Amy. She noticed how desperate I was, but still hesitated. I saw Amy coming downstairs, surprised at first to see me, then worried.

"Clara? What's wrong?" She asked as her aunt allowed me in.

I hugged her as hard as I could, and she took me to her room. I told her what had happened without mentioning why I had started a fight. She held me and told me everything was going to be alright while I cried out my feelings.

When I managed to calm down, I thanked her for being so kind to me since the day we met. I aimed to get my backpack and walk back home, but she suggested I stayed with her.

"It's late and cold and you need to sleep. You can text your dad saying you'll stay here tonight and go back in the morning before school."

I nodded and took off my jacket, realising I still had it on. While I texted my dad and turned off the phone -not wanting to get a reply-, Amy dug through her wardrobe and took out one of her pyjamas for me and two small bottles of dark beer. She smirked at my raised eyebrows.

"I was saving these for a party, but I think we can both use a drink now."

I had never drunk beer before, but I took it anyway. She sat on the bed and looked at me while I did the same.

"Aren't you gonna change first?" She said with that seductive smile of hers, noticing her pyjamas were still in my hand.

"Oh, yea, right. I'll change in the loo." I was nervous for some reason.

"My aunt's probably asleep now. You'll wake her if you go and we can't drink with her around."

I nodded, unsure of what to do. We were both girls, it wasn't a big deal that I had to change in front of her, but it still felt somehow strange. I decided to be quick about it and just did it, pretending I didn't notice she didn't look away. I know it is a weird thing to say, but I kind of liked to know she was laying on her bed sipping her beer, her hazel eyes fixed on me while I took off my clothes.

Once in my -her- jammies, I grabbed my bottle again and took a sip. It had a bitter taste, but there was something like chocolate and coffee on it, so I liked it. We drank in silence mostly -a slightly awkward silence, but I had a lot to think about to care-, and when we were done with the beers Amy patted the spot next to her.

"C'mon. You need to sleep." I did as she wanted and laid next to her, too stiff at first, but I relaxed when she turned off her table lamp and cuddled up with me. She kissed my cheek and whispered goodnight, falling asleep almost instantly.

Alone with my thoughts, I could only look back at the craziness of that night. Even when everything looked dark and I felt like a leaf drifting in the wind I could always count on my ginger superhero to save me. She was always exactly what I needed, and that is how it hit me.

I'm in love with her.

I stare at the ceiling as all the pieces fall in place. I had suspected being bi since I was fifteen, but I had decided never to mention it to anyone unless I ended up with a girl. A couple of times I felt like I should tell my mum, but I never had the chance. After she died, I started thinking I would push it deep down and just stick with boys.

It had been a night of first times: first time I stood up to anyone, first time I said what I think without holding back. First time I drank a beer and first time I realised I am in love.

I feel like I am lying to her. She doesn't know I am bi, she doesn't know how much she means to me and how much I love her. She allowed me into her bed without knowing the way I feel about her.

Panic takes over my brain as I realise I need to tell her. She needs to know or I won't be able to stay with her.

But she is my best mate, my only friend, and I don't want to lose her. I need her more than anything else on this planet, so I decide to keep it to myself, to hold it in even if it hurts, and give her time to decide what she wants.

* * *

Sometimes it feels like my life before Leadworth was a dream. I hate those days because they make me feel like I have forgotten where I come from. But when that happens I always have Amy to remind me we are both aliens in a quiet English town. She makes her accent even more noticeable and says "We belong in the North!", only to make me laugh. It is funny how she refused to lose her accent. Just for her, I refuse to lose mine too.

When summer arrives -almost a year has passed since I moved here-, I feel sad because Amy is going back to Scotland with her aunt to visit her family. She is leaving next week, and I am already thinking about what I will do while she is away.

I walk to her house so we can spend some time together, knowing I just want to be with her for as long as I can.

She opens the door with a huge smile on her face, and I instantly feel a million times happier. She pulls me into the house, very excited about something, and as I greet her aunt she shows me an envelope. I take it and peer inside, taking out two train tickets to Scotland. She is waiting for my reaction, but I don't understand what she wants me to see.

"It's great, Amy. I know you really wanted to go back." I smile, hiding as best as I can the fact that I don't want her to leave, not even for a few weeks.

"You're missing the point." She says before looking at her aunt, who is also expectant. Finally, her aunt decides to explain.

"I got a call from work and they need me in London for the summer. I won't be able to go home with Amy, so I called your dad and-"

"You're coming with me!" Amy couldn't hold back anymore and screamed, jumping to hug me. I feel so shocked I can't say anything; I can barely bring myself to place my arms around her. When she pulls back -her smile even wider-, she wipes away a tear from my face I didn't even realise that was falling. I thank her aunt and she nods as Amy takes my hand, guiding me outside the house, already talking about everything she is going to show me when we get there.

* * *

After a _very_ long trip, we are finally at Amy's granny's house. We share a room, and I feel happy that we are here together. I know how much Scotland means to her, and I am glad that she chose me to be here with her. We are both very tired, but I hear her toss and turn in her bed.

"Amy? Is everything alright?" Through the dark I can see her red hair on the pillow, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"Yea, fine. Just...Remember that night you came home really late?" She turns to look at me, and I feel like something is about to happen.

"The night I got angry at my dad", and the night we slept together, and I realised I love you. I keep the rest of that sentence to myself.

She nods. "I know it sounds crazy, but…thing is…I keep thinking that it was the best sleep I've ever had. All because you slept with me."

It is strange to hear her shy about something, so I sit up in my bed and ask her if she wants me to get into hers. She nods again with a thankful look in her eyes, and I know I won't ever deny anything to those eyes.

I cuddle up with her and whisper goodnight when she closes her eyes. Moments like this make it impossible for me to go on without telling her.

* * *

A few days later, I sip a cup of tea in the kitchen while Amy takes a shower. Her granny walks into the room and sits down in front of me, studying me with her wise eyes. I offer her a cup, and she accepts it.

Amy's granny is an extremely smart woman, and I can see Amy got a lot from her. I know she's been observing me since we arrived, and I can't help to wonder why is she so interested in me.

When I sit back on my chair, she decides to speak.

"Do you love my granddaughter, lass?" She asks in her strong Scottish accent.

"'Course, ma'am. She's my best mate." I am trying so hard to sound confident that I feel like might faint at any second. She looks at me with a smirk, like she knows there is more than what I am saying.

"But we both know she's more than that to you, don't we?"

"I…" I am shocked. I rush to think of an answer. Should I pretend I don't know what she is talking about? Probably not, she will notice. You can't lie to a woman like her. I sight, defeated. "Is it that obvious?"

She smiles, pleased that I am telling the truth. "For everyone but her, it is." She pauses, her eyes never leaving mine. "Let me tell you something, lass: life is too short to be scared. You love someone, you tell that someone how you feel before it's too late. Amelia's a great girl, but she won't see what's in front of her even if it hits her. You have to tell her, otherwise she'll never know."

I stare at her, taking in her words. I know she is right, I have always known, but that was exactly what I needed to hear. Everything she said was exactly what I would have wanted to hear from my mum.

I am not sure of how much time passes, but I am pulled back to Earth by Amy's voice.

"Hey, Clara, wanna go for a walk?"

I nod and get up for a light sweater -it was late in the afternoon and Scotland is generally a cold place. As I put it on, I look back at the woman staring at us from the kitchen table. She winks at me when Amy isn't looking and I know this is it; this is the day I come out to Amy.

We walk near the river, without really talking. We arrive to the spot where we usually sit for a while, playing who can throw rocks further.

This time, she climbs up a tree and sits on a low branch just a few inches above my head. I claim it isn't fair that she gets up there while I can barely touch the branch with the tips of my fingers, but she helps me up and after a couple of times when we almost lost our balance, we sit on the tree laughing.

When our laughs die down, I know it is time for me to talk.

"Amy, I...really need to tell you something." She gives me a curious look, but doesn't say anything. I look down at my hands on my lap. "Ever since we met you've been so kind to me, and I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for everything you give me, even without noticing. And I think -I _feel_- that I haven't been completely honest with you." She listening carefully to every word I say, and I feel shy all of the sudden. Still, I force myself to go on. "Thing is, I've been thinking a lot about what I want, what I like and I'm…bi. I would say I like girls, but that's not true. 'Cos I know there's only one girl I like." I dare to look at her, and she looks just frozen. I feel like an idiot for ruining everything with such a lack of delicacy, so I jump off the branch to start the way back. I know for a fact she won't want a cuddle tonight, and I start to miss it already.

I don't know how much time passes until I hear her calling my name, and I turn back. She is running to reach me, and I don't notice she is smiling until she is really close. Without hesitate, she places a hand on my face and kisses me full on the lips.

Before I realise what I am doing, I kiss her back and wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer.

First time I kissed anyone.

When we return to the house, we walk in hand-in-hand, and I get a smile from Amy's granny.

* * *

On the train back to Leadworth, we know we have some things to discuss.

"Are we going to tell anyone?" She looks up at me, lifting her head from my shoulder.

"I don't know. It's not like I care if they know, but I don't want to become a circus. Again."

We both laugh at the memory of her raggedy Doctor.

"I know. Me neither. I had enough attention when I moved...I want to tell my dad at some point, but not just yet. I like that it's just us for now." I turn to look at her, and our lips are very close.

"Yea, me too." I kiss her, having become very familiar with her lips in the past few days.

I haven't told her that I love her yet; I want to take it slow, and I don't want to scare her. She knows, though; she has to know. My suspicions become true when she speaks again just before falling asleep.

"I love you."

And I know for the first time that someone -besides my mum- means it.

* * *

Many years later, on the night before our wedding, the strangest sound I ever heard wakes us up. Amy runs to the window and pulls back the curtain, smiling at the sight of and old blue police box.

* * *

**Sequel now uploaded! It's called "A Letter to Amy" and I hope you like it :)**


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